The Four Types of Men to Avoid

Do you know how to choose a partner? Can you notice red flags before you go too deep into a relationship? This is an important topic if you are looking for a healthy relationship. I want to share four types of men that women often fall for that are unsuitable for the long term. And after choosing these types of men, they wonder why their relationships aren't working out. 

Remember, no matter how much I talk about particular types of men, it always comes back to you as a woman. Are you doing your inner work, developing that deep, unconditional self-love, and working on healthy boundaries? These things help you to be more attuned to what you need, so you won't unknowingly fall for one of these four types of men.

1. The Emotionally Unavailable Man 

An emotionally unavailable man is a man who is so wrapped up in his own agenda that he is not able or willing to connect to your needs. His plan may be to have a physical relationship with someone, to have somebody there to listen to him, text back and forth, or talk on the phone. He may want somebody who can give him advice and make him feel good from time to time. Still, he does not feel he needs to reciprocate or return the same level of emotional attention.

Remember, a person not being available or observant of your needs is a red flag. You deserve to receive the same level of care and attention you give him. Relationships should be a give-and-take. But many women give too much before determining if they receive as much as they put out.

The bottom line is if you are looking for a healthy emotional connection, intimacy, honesty, and communication in a relationship, you want to avoid the emotionally unavailable man.

2. The Disorganized Man 

The disorganized man is all over the place. He may seem bright, but his life is in disarray for whatever reason. Initially, he might attribute his lack of focus to different life changes - maybe divorce, career changes, financial struggles, or family problems. But the result is he can't seem to get it together on a daily basis. He's always running behind, things don't seem organized, and he's forgetting something or unable to follow through on the promises he made to you. 

Maybe he doesn't have healthy boundaries. A lot of times, I'll talk about boundaries with women, but men experience this as well. So he's trying to do everything and be everything to everybody. And he cannot keep the most important promises to himself or the person he's trying to be in a relationship with. 

And while he may have reached a certain level of success or functioning as an adult, there's a feeling that he always missed out on his potential. And that's because of his pattern of being disorganized. And he is often coping in unhealthy ways because his self-esteem is low, creating this vicious cycle. 

Now, a man like this might be charming. A man like this might be kind. But a man like this will drive you crazy, especially if you are more of an organized person doing your inner work and looking for somebody who's equally yoked in that way. 

3. The Wounded Warrior 

The wounded warrior is a man who has been through a lot in his life. He knows hardship, suffering, and trauma well but hasn't done the necessary work to heal. 

He has experienced early childhood trauma in the form of some abandonment by an important caretaker, which affects how he sees himself and others. This person usually wants so badly to have that love that they didn't have early in childhood. But the problem is, they haven't seen or developed a healthy model of what that looks like. So, even though they want that healthy relationship, they still distrust other people at the core. This dynamic can look like trying to control the person they're getting into a relationship with. It's what we call enmeshment and looks like constantly rehashing and reliving that early trauma within the relationship. It becomes a trauma bond instead of a healthy relationship. And it absorbs so much of your energy - trying to heal each other's hurts, dealing with triggers, feeling guilty, and apologizing. To the Wounded Warrior, you can never do enough to prove your love. And it becomes a very draining relationship. 

4. The Narcissist

It should go without saying that you should avoid a relationship with a narcissistic man. To the narcissist, other people are mere objects to be used for their own needs. They use other people to make them feel important or validated. This is the typical toxic relationship that people talk about. Here's the thing: most people will not present like that at the beginning, which is why you must use your spidey senses to see the red flags. They will not come up to you with a sign on their head that says, I'm a narcissist, I want to use you, I'm insecure underneath, and so I'm going to need you to validate me no matter what, right? But what they are going to do is try to seem like the perfect man. They will be charming, seem or appear like they have it together, perhaps well-spoken, seeming confident and sure of themselves. But eventually, they will drop clues because they are superficial and overly focused on how they appear to others. They want to be seen as a good person or a competent person, or a successful person. Everything is more about appearances on the outside and to other people. So you have to be careful. When I ask them what they want in a man, I find that many women create this dream spouse with qualities that would go hand in hand with a narcissistic man. 

In my next blog post, I'll explain how you can use healthy feminine energy to attract a healthy relationship.

So, what are your thoughts? Have you had experience with any of these four types? Share your experience in the comments.